Faries, and Goblins and Demons! Oh my!
by MadHatta21
Summary: Because sometimes you should listen to your girlfriend, even IF she sounds a little batty. A series of instances where Hiei's disbelief in things he's never seen cause trouble for both himself and those around him. This is a series of stories that vary in length and shall be separated by Author's notes
1. Goblin Kings

_**This is . PURE CRACK.  
I don't own Hiei or Jareth** **(as far as you know)**_

**_Sarah is NOT the Sarah from the labyrinth and this story is bound to have a bit of ooc-ness._**

**_On to the story!_**

* * *

It all started with a simple sentence. A sentence that Sarah firmly believed would work, despite Hiei's stubborn disbelief.

"I'm telling you! If I say it the goblin king will come and take you away!"

"Tch. As if I'd believe something like _that_."

"It's true! I read it in a book!"

"Don't believe everything you read you idiot."

Sarah stopped walking, hands on her hips, cheeks puffing out in irritation. "Well fine! Why don't we try it and see?!"

"Hn. Nonsense."

"It's not!"

Hiei stopped glaring over his shoulder, "Then say it."

Sarah hesitated for a moment but then she held her chin up high and said "I wish the goblin king would come and take you away right now."

Hiei snorted walking forward when nothing happened, and then, after the sound of a short scuffle in the darkness, someone tapped her shoulder.

Sarah turned around, looking up at a familiar face with a grin "Hi Jareth!" Her voice was singsong as she wrapped her arms around his waist in a gleeful hug. The goblin king patted her on the top of the head, his other hand pinching the bridge of his now very sore (possibly broken) nose, "Hello my dear."

Sarah stepped back gently, "I told him you would come if I called, but he didn't believe me…"

Jareth grinned, producing one of his magic orbs and presenting it to Sarah.

"Don't you want to play with this? It's very shiny."

Sarah reached for it, her eyes wide with awe "Can I?"

Jareth pulled it out of her reach, "On one condition, you forget about your little friend."

Sarah gave him a thoughtful look, "How about I can have it if I solve your magic maze?"

Jareth chuckled, "I think not."

With a sigh Sarah hooked her thumbs into her belt loops, "Well darn."

The scenery around them changed as Sarah made up her mind.

"Whoa! Is that your castle?!"

"Yes, it is."

"I LOVE it!"

"You have 13 hours to make it to the castle or your demon friend will become my goblin slave."

Sarah pouted as Jareth vanished, "But I don't have a watch…"


	2. Dwarves

_**XD BWAHAHAHA!**_

* * *

Sarah tromped down the hill, wondering if maybe she could weasel that magic orb away from Jareth later.

SMACK!

Sarah jumped as the sound reverberated all around her.

"Bloody fairies."

She peered around a tree, giggling to herself as the tiny little grump of a man went around smashing vicious looking fairies.

"What? Who's there?!"

Sarah stepped out, appearing extremely serious "I am the queen of the fairies! I have come to deliver my subjects from the cruel newspaper wielding dwarf man! My people have suffered too long!" She did her best to appear menacing, "I shall feed them you liver on a plate!"

The tiny man appeared skeptical at first, but seemed taken aback by the threat as Sarah stepped forward looking dangerous.

"D-Don't kill me! I'm sorry!"

Sarah plopped down on the side of the hill, laughing hysterically as the little man ran away.


	3. Disembodied Voices

_**XD I love this**_

* * *

"She's quite interesting isn't she?" Jareth's voice rang out amongst the goblins in his throne room.

"Yeah Yeah She's the best!"

"She'll make a good goblin!"

"She'll make a good supper!"

Hiei twitched in irritation; he had long since lost his patience with these little people and their impish game. He struggled violently against the magical bindings, which only tightened the more he struggled.

"What say you? Shall I make her my queen?!"

The goblins broke into song of celebration, and Hiei wished all the more that he could light them all on fire.

* * *

Sarah poked her head through a hole in the wall, which she had discovered by accident while searching for a lever or a button for a secret passage way.

She pulled her head back out, and replaced it with her hand.

Then a broad grin spread across her face as she too broke into song, "Put your right hand in! Put your right hand out! Put your right hand in and you shake it all about! You do the Hokey pok-"

"STOP! STOP! STOP! Aren't you in a hurry?!"

Sarah paused mid song, her grin growing even more excited, "WOW! I've never met a bodiless voice before!"

"I'm not a- oh nevermind! Look you're supposed to be rescuing someone aren't you?"

Sarah paused again, then snapped her fingers, "Oh yeah!"

She looked to the left and then to the right and then became thoughtful once more, "But am I supposed to go left or right?"

Sarah sat down cross-legged, trying to remember something Kurama had told her about mazes, "Awww man I can't remember if he said always go right or always go left."

"Why not go right and then if you come to a dead end, come back the way you came and take the left passage instead?"

Sarah thought this over for a moment then jumped to her feet, "Thank you dis-embodied voice! That's a great idea!"


	4. Knights and Knaves

_**I like my solution better... just saying**_

* * *

"Hey, it really was a dead end… go figure!" Sarah found herself in a sort of walled in clearing.

She turned around to go the way she had come but stopped when she heard a pair of voices, "Wait! Wait! Solve our puzzle!"

She spun around on her heels, curious, "Oh? A puzzle?! Like a rubix cube?!"

"One of us always tells the truth!"

"and one of us always lies!"

Sarah grinned at the red and blue doors.

"Ooooooh fun!"

"One of us leads to the castle!"

"And one of us leads to certain doom!"

Sarah tapped her foot before approaching the red door, "Hey are you, red?"

"Yes," the door answered.

"He's lying he's lying!" The blue door called.

Sarah grinned "Alright do you lead to the castle?"

"Yes," the red door answered.

"Great!" Sarah pushed open the red door and stepped through it, only to fall straight away into a dark hole.


	5. Talking Hands

_**I am having entirely too much fun with this...**_

* * *

"Up or down"

Sarah fidgeted as hands caught her, "ummm what exactly are you asking here?"

"Do you want to go up or down? We haven't got all day!"

"You're a well full of hands, what else could you possibly have to do?"

"We can make faces see?"

Sarah raised an eyebrow, "well no I can't. It's kind of dark in here. But I'd really like to see that!"

"Up or down?"

"Well what's down there?"

"How should we know? We're hands."

"That's a very good point, in that case…. Down please."

"As you wish."  
Sarah grinned as the hands handed her down, "So what do you guys DO in your free time?"

"We make faces!"

"Is that all?"

"We play patty-cake!"

"Oh really?!"

"We give high fives!"

"Oh! I want a high five!"

Sarah was dropped abruptly onto something hard and damp as a trap door slammed shut above her.

She stood up, brushing herself off, "Well that was fun!"


	6. Secret Passageways

_**:3**_

* * *

"She's reached the oubliette!"

"She'll never get out now!"

"How are we gonna eat her if she's in the oubliette?!"

By now Hiei had moved on from struggling and making threats (very violent threats mind you, threats much more frightening than the thought of feeding a dwarf's liver to a horde of fairies) and had resigned himself to boredly watching his self-proclaimed girlfriend on the goblin king's massive plasma screen tv.

(A brand spanking new plasma screen, mind you, bought fairly with no magic at all involved- well okay there may have been a little magic involved in acquiring said t.v. but, it was totally legal! Sort of.)

The tiny goblins had long since ceased tugging on his hair and pulling at his ears, fearing for their lives despite the furious demon's predicament.

"Now boys settle down! Let's see if our little princess can find her way out with only," Jareth glanced at the clock, "nine hours left."

* * *

"Well then… where am I now? The castle dungeons?"

"It's an oubliette master."

Sarah's grin widened, "Well Hello! Are you related to the dis-embodied voice at the start of the maze?"

"It is us master!" squealed another squeakier voice.

Something tugged lightly on Sarah's hair and up close she could see the two tiny glowing creatures.

"Oh! Hello fairies! What are your names?!"

"I am Tanern majesty!" The fairy bowed deeply.

"and I am Rentern!" The other called.

"Oh! What wonderful names!"

"Yes, we chose them ourselves!" Rentern put in.

"Well you have very good taste, say Tanern, Rentern, do either of you know the way out of here? It's dark and I can't see very well."

"We do master we do!"

"Yes and as thanks for saving us earlier we shall show you!"

Sarah held out her hand, allowing Tanern and Rentern to tug her in the correct direction.

"A door master!"

"Yes a door."

Sarah smiled, "There's a door?"

"Yes master!"

"Yes a magical door."

Sarah's amused grin broadened, "Oooooh magical?"


	7. Magic Finger Snaps

_**Fun Fun Fun~ Tra la la~**_

* * *

Sarah's hand found the door handle and she tugged it open. Light cascaded into the room, along with an assortment of pots, pans and various cleaning supplies.

"hmmm… Guys, I'm pretty sure this is a closet."

"Magic door master!"

"Yeah it's magic!"

Sarah looked thoughtfully at her new found minions, "so do I need magic words?"

"No master, you must open it again!"

"Well alright then."

Sarah picked up the broom handle that had landed near her feet, grabbed a pot and placed it onto her head and then found a short length of rope and used it to tie a frying pan to her belt loops.

She shut the door and then pulled it open again, revealing the passage to outside.

"Alright boys! Let's go!"

* * *

"Don't go on!"

"You're going the wrong way!"

Sarah paused to admire the talking rock, "Oh! You give new meaning to 'pet rock'"

"The path you are on leads to certain doom!"

"Oh! Are you sure? I was positive I had picked the correct door…"

"Um… You are going the wro-"

"Yes. You said that already, but which way is the _right_ way?"

"Come master, this way," Tanern tugged on Sarah's sleeve.

"Oh? Are you sure?"

"Rocks lie!" Rentern insisted.

"Oh alright then," Sarah patted the rock, and followed after her fairy guides.

"Go back while you still can!"

* * *

"Well, well, well, you've made quite a lot of progress."

Sarah looked up, in time to see Jareth climb down off a rock magic orb in hand. Her fairy friends flitted away.

Sarah's eyes fixed immediately on the shining orb, "I'm just really lucky…"

"Do you think so?"

"Yes very much, usually I would be lost by now and Hiei would have to come and find me."

Jareth raised an eyebrow, "Your friend has quite the temper."

Sarah made a face, "Yeah he's really mean sometimes."

"Then why save him? I could make him quite comfortable here."

Sarah frowned, "Well, he's not always that way…"

Jareth seemed suddenly very interested, "Is that so?"

Sarah fidgeted, "Well yeah, and he doesn't really like fantasy stuff. He thinks it's dumb."

"Well let's hope we prove him wrong then hmmm?"

Jareth tossed the orb from one hand to the other, allowing it to roll to the edge of his fingers and across the back of his hand.

Sarah watched it in awe, entranced by the glittering object.

Jareth's voice snapped her out of it, "You seem to be enjoying my labyrinth."

Sarah grinned, "It's lots of fun!"

"I am glad to hear it," Jareth said with a smile, "but what would you say to making it a little more _adventurous_?"

Sarah's eyes widened, "You can do that?!"

Jareth laughed, "Yes."

He snapped his fingers and suddenly the labyrinth seemed quite menacing.

Sarah held her broom handle a little more tightly.

"You have six hours," Jareth said, "better hurry."

With that the goblin king vanished.


	8. Deadly Decisions

_**Uh-oh...**_

* * *

Sarah plopped down at a fountain, not sure which direction she should take.

She could see the castle very well from where she was sitting.

Something moved near the wall to her left and Sarah tilted her head curiously in that direction.

"Twigs and spheres," groaned the moving creature.

Something moved near the wall to the right, looking very much like a mass of vines as it moved towards her, "and Poles and plates."

Sarah jumped to her feet, standing atop the edge of the fountain with only a broom handle for protection.

Both creatures stumbled eerily towards her "Join and bind to reason make," they groaned together.

They stopped about two feet in front of her repeating it together, "Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make."

Sarah inched to the left, hoping to go around the eerie plant men.

They moved with her, blocking her path.

After a moment she inched closer, the creatures didn't move.

"hmmm, What ARE you guys?"

Sarah waved a hand in front of the creatures, they didn't even blink.

"Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make," they said in unison.

Sarah plopped back onto the edge of the fountain, "Is that a riddle?"

"Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make."

She sighed thoughtfully, "Twigs… spheres… poles… plates… that could mean the globe right?" She murmured, "But how does that make reason?"

She stood up balancing carefully on the edge of the fountain and pacing back and forth, glancing to the side as the creatures shifted along with her. "Or maybe the answer is people… people are the reason for reason right?"

Sarah thought for a moment then hopped down to face the creatures, "I'm gonna say, Earthlings!"

Suddenly the creatures moved, vines shooting out and wrapping violently around her arms and torso.

"HEY! WAIT! WAS I WRONG?!"

"Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make. Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make." They dragged her along towards the left path, "Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make."

Sarah twisted and tugged, trying to break free, and then she caught a glimpse of the rocky cliff ahead.

"Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make."

"This isn't very fun at all Jareth!"

"Twigs and spheres and poles and plates join and bind to reason make."

"Hey! You can hear me right?!"


	9. Miracles

_**This story took an unexpected turn somewhere...0.o**_

* * *

"Such a pity, she would have made a lovely bride don't you think?" Jareth said with a frown. His gaze slid lazily to his now seething prisoner.

"Not any more! Not any more!" the goblins cheered.

"Let her go."

Jareth raised an eyebrow, swinging his long lanky legs down off of the arm of his throne as he rose to cross the room.

"I can't believe she didn't know I can't believe she didn't know!" The goblins chanted.

Jareth squatted down to Hiei's eye level, "Why should I?"

Hiei met his gaze full on, "Because if you don't I'll redecorate this place with your intestines."

* * *

"People! Aliens! Zombies! Books!" Sarah squirmed violently, throwing out every guess she could come up with hoping the right answer might get her out of this.

The creatures came to a stop, preparing to throw her over the edge, swinging her back and forth and back and forth.

Sarah clamped her eyes shut and screamed as loud as she could "HIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

* * *

The fire apparition lunged forward as the magical binding cracked. Jareth leapt back, laughing, "Interesting. You really do care about her don't you?"

Hiei's fury exploded all around him, sending goblins scrambling out of the room. Jareth snapped his fingers and the binding snapped violently back into place, slamming Hiei into the ground.

"I will tear you to fucking shreds you bastard!"

Jareth wagged his finger as he walked casually over to his prisoner, "Such language."

* * *

Sarah allowed one eye to slide open, then the other. She sighed suddenly feeling very relieved. The scent of burnt foliage reached her nostrils and Sarah frowned.

The moment she stood her bindings fell away.

"Twigs a-and spheres…"

"And p-poles and p-plates…"

Sarah turned to the right and approached the smoking heaps of vinery nervously.

She shrugged off her tattered jacket and used it to beat out the remaining flames on the creatures.

"You know, You guys take riddles WAY too seriously around here," she grumbled as she tugged one of the creatures onto her back and walked on shaking legs back to the fountain.

"T-Twigs."

Sarah sighed, "What's the answer anyway?"

She carried the second creature over to the fountain, not sure exactly how to treat a singed bird's nest.

"The answer is a skeleton."

Sarah spun around to see Jareth, casually playing with the magic orb.

"Well that's a little foreboding," Sarah muttered.

"Still having fun?"

Sarah grinned wickedly, "Who me? I'm having truck loads."

A clock appeared between them the hour hand moving forward about three hours, "Well then, let's up the stakes a little hmmm?"

"That's cheating!"

"You can't cheat at a game that has no rules."


	10. Dragon 'Lords'

She rushed over to where her broom handle had fallen and kicked it into the air, catching it with excited ease as she ran towards the nearest wall.

"Well in THAT case," Sarah used the broom handle to vault into the air, landing precariously on top of the wall, "I'm solving this my way!"

The walls began to shift and Sarah had a hard time keeping her balance as she jumped clumsily from wall to wall heading straight for the large and looming castle.

She giggled, a somewhat crazed giggle as she began to make slow progress, "You were right Jareth!" She called out to the castle, "This is WAY more fun than before!"

* * *

Sarah wasn't sure how long she had been following this particular section of wall, but she was beginning to lose sight of Jareth's castle do to the impenetrable wall of forestry between herself and said castle.

She was also fairly sure that the labyrinth itself was slowly turning, as she had ended up adjusting her path on more than twelve occasions in the past hour or so JUST to keep the castle insight.

A massive fireball came barreling through the brush, setting it alight and sending Sarah toppling off of the wall to avoid it.

She hit the ground with a loud 'THUD', blinking away stars as the breath was knocked from her lungs.

"I hope it's not a dragon. I hope it's not a-"

As Sarah sat up she heard a loud unmistakable roar. Another fireball exploded through the wall just to her left.

"Awwww dang, it's a dragon!"

* * *

Peering over the wall, proved rather difficult, as it was quite a few feet taller than Sarah.

She found a tall strong looking tree and untied her frying pan, pulling the ropes from her belt loops she tossed one end of it over the lowest hanging branch, then took the other end and tied it to her front belt loops.

She used the rope to hoist herself up into the tree and then climbed higher to try and get a better view of what she was dealing with.

The dragon was incredibly massive compared to the high walls of the labyrinth and it seemed to be walking THROUGH walls without really causing any damage.

Sarah weighed her options, fight the dragon with about two hours left on the clock or avoid the dragon altogether and risk getting lost in the forested maze below her wit two hours left on the clock.

She pondered. _What would Kurama do?_

_Use the forest as a weapon to defeat the dragon and move on._

Well THAT was out of the question.

_Well what about Yusuke?_

_Charge in and blast it with his spirit gun._

Also out of the question.

In fact all of her friends would have some sort of power that might help in this situation. What did she have? A piece of rope, a stick and a frying pan; not exactly dragon fighting material.

Sarah let her gaze slip to the dense forestry below, there was no telling what she would find in there. _Spiders, Snakes, Giant man eating pygmy puffs._

She let out a frustrated groan as she leaned back to hang upside down off the branch. "Why couldn't I have been born with magic powers too?! My dumb ancestors should have married Merlin or something!"

_Lightbulb!_

Sarah climbed back upright and stood on the branch, intending to do what she did best.

"Heus Magister draco! Veniunt hic secundo sis!"

The dragon fixed its gaze on her.


	11. Magic Phrases

The dragon towered over her, smoke flaring forth from its nostrils.

"Who are you?" it seethed fiercely.

Sarah flailed, nearly falling off her branch; she hadn't expected it to actually work.

She laughed nervously, "I'm Sarah! But didn't you already know that?"

The dragon snorted, fixing a narrowed eye on her, "Your kind don't come here often," the dragon nodded its head curtly, "It has been sometime since I have had the pleasure of speaking with a dragon lord."

She pointed at herself, surprised, "Who me? That was something I learned from watching Merlin."

The dragon laughed, a deep rumbling laugh, "Well then young Sarah I suppose we have a friend in common."

Sarah perked up, "Really?! Wow! So we can be friends too right?!"

The dragon chuckled, "Yes I suppose we could."


	12. Flying Girls

Sarah grinned "Good, because I seem to have a problem!"

If dragons had eyebrows this one's would be raised, "And what would that be young mistress?"

Sarah scuffed her shoe on the branch, looking rather sheepish, "Well you see, I have two hours to reach that castle and find my friend. If I don't make it in time he'll become a goblin slave, and, well, he doesn't exactly take kindly to following orders."

The dragon chuckled, "I can take you as far as the gates Ms. Sarah, but I will not do it for free."

Sarah nodded, "Okay then what should I do to repay you?"

He chuckled once more, "We shall save that for another day," he winked, "You are on a timed schedule are you not?"

Sarah grinned, "Alrighty then you've got yourself a deal. I owe you one favor mister dragon!"

He chuckled, "You may call me Kilgarrah," He leaned his head down ever so slightly, allowing her to climb up, "Be sure to hold on tightly, it's a long way down."


	13. Forgotten Fears

The view from the top of the labyrinth's walls was absolutely nothing compared to the view from atop Kilgarrah's back.

Sarah might have been able to enjoy it if she had not suddenly remembered her extreme fear of heights.

Sure, she walked along walls all the time and climbed trees without much trouble, but she felt in control in those situations. Here, several hundred feet in the air, on the back of a dragon, with nothing to hold on to, she was most definitely NOT in control.

"I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna diiiiie!"

Kilgarrah mentally sighed as the girl's panicked wails reached his keen ears once more. It seemed to have become her mantra over the past hour of flight. She would panic, then dig her knees into his side and shortly afterwards she would begin chanting 'I'm gonna die', she would calm herself, and then she would look down and the whole pattern would begin all over again.

Kilgarrah landed, quite gracefully for a dragon in such small quarters, and moved his wing so that the girl could climb down.

Only, she hadn't realized they were on the ground and was still chanting her mantra, most likely with her eyes closed.

"Ms. Sarah," Kilgarrah sighed, "We are no longer airbourne."

Sarah cracked one eye open, pausing in her dramatics and realized that they were, in fact, no longer in the air.

She slid gently down to the ground, appearing as if she hadn't been bothered at all by the flight, and patted Kilgarrah good naturedly.

"Thank you for your help KillGiraffe," she said cluelessly.

Kilgarrah sighed, and then took flight once more.


	14. Giant Freaking Robots!

The castle was still a ways ahead and Sarah could see the dark looming shapes of a goblin city in its shadow.

She stepped forward and then froze, as a giant robot stepped out of the wall.

A grin spread across her face as the Transformers theme song began to play inside her head. She barely had time to dodge as a large axe slammed into the ground.

The robot seemed to struggle to bring its weapon back up and Sarah took it as an opportunity to scramble up its metal arm (switching to the mission impossible theme as she did so).

Once she reached its shoulder she picked up her pace, the creature flailing around like mad beneath her, and promptly vaulted off of its 'face'.

She landed a ways away with a quiet 'thud' as the creature smashed to the ground behind her in a heap of smoke and rusted metal.


	15. Goblin Cities

Sarah moved onwards, only to find herself completely surrounded by goblins.

She paused, midstride, realizing they weren't going to allow her to pass by unhindered.

The tiny creatures began to scramble "Intruder! Intruder!"

As her ears picked up the sound of a burning fuse Sarah bolted.

A canon ball slammed violently into a nearby building as little men with spears chased her all around the goblin city.

"WAIT!" She finally shouted.

All the goblins paused, "I'm no intruder," she scolded, "I've been here all along! I live here!"

"You do?" A goblin asked.

Sarah seemed appalled and insulted, "To think," she said, "You would forget your own QUEEN!"

"Our… queen?"

She put a hand to her forehead dramatically, "Oh the thought of it just makes me feel faint. I leave for a few hundred years and my subjects forget me!"

"Forget?"

The goblins now seemed quite confused and incredibly shameful.

Sarah dropped the act, "Now, who will escort me to the castle?"

The goblins were silent, still unsure of themselves.

"Well, don't all speak up at once," she said haughtily.

"I will! I will!" They all screeched in unison.


	16. Distractions

Inside his castle Jareth facepalmed, "I'm surrounded by idiots…"

Hiei snorted in agreement.

"Jareth~"

Both men turned to face the owner of the voice as the throne room faded into a room of topsy turvy staircases (that defied physics in every way possible and frankly Hiei had long since given up trying to make sense of any of this foolishness).

"You made it," Jareth said, "with only ten minutes to spare."

The goblin king had a strange twinkle in his eyes, "Now simply say the words and you can return home with your friend in tow."

Sarah blinked, "Words? What words?"

Hiei (who was now somehow sitting upside down to the left of the pair) seethed, "What do you MEAN what words?!"

Sarah turned to look at him sheepishly, scratching the back of her head, "Well…" She scuffed her shoe on the staircase, staring at the ground, "I didn't get to finish the book…"

Hiei twitched visibly, "You what?"

Sarah shuddered; Hiei was even scarier when he didn't yell.

"What? I got distracted!" She defended herself.


	17. Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed the first part of this series. I will be the first to admit that it probably was riddled with errors, but hey, it's a crack series so that's to be expected.

Like I mentioned in the summary this will be a series of short stories (That means there's more than one! I'M SO EXCITED!) So be on the look out for future updates! Also feel free to suggest some 'nonexistant creatures or cliches' I can throw at Hiei!

Because it's my job to irritate him ^^


	18. Magic Shops

On the corner of First and Main street, there is a little antiques shop.

Having passed by the little shop on numerous occasions, Sarah had become quite convinced that it wasn't your average antiques shop.

"It's magic!" She had insisted, when Hiei had told her how foolish she was being.

"Tch," he had scoffed, "There is no such thing as magic."

Sarah tried her best not to bring it up, she really did, but her mouth had a mind of its own, "So you're saying you willing went with Jareth into the goblin city and then willing tied yourself up?"

Hiei went ramrod stiff, and then with a low growl, turned to glare at her.

She tried her very best not to look smug, but it seemed her face had a mind of its own as well. (She was beginning to wonder if her limbs had minds of their own as well, and well, it was probably extremely crowded in her head, maybe she should see about making more room for them all)

He spun on his heel and flashed away.

Sarah pouted slightly and suddenly a broad grin slid across her face.

If Hiei wouldn't come with her to the shop, then she would bring something from the shop back to him. He would definitely believe her then!

* * *

The bell above the shop door tinkled as Sarah poked her head inside.

She was greeted by a tall man (about her age it seemed) with long dark blue hair and twinkling violet eyes.

"Ah! I was wondering if you would ever come in. Welcome to my shop, we sell anything your heart desires."

Sarah approached the counter looking at all of the trinkets and sparkling objects throughout the room.

"All this stuff is magic?!"

The man smiled, "In a manner of speaking yes. "

He walked around the counter, "My name is Shadow what might yours be?"

Sarah beamed up at him, reaching out to shake his hand, "I'm Sarah!"

Her eye caught something in the corner "Oh! Mr. Shadow! What does that do?"

The amused shopkeeper walked over and held up the pendant "It has the power to grant its owner any wish."

"Oh," a thoughtful look came over her face, would this be the item that could prove Hiei wrong?

"Are you thinking of buying it miss Sarah?"

Her smile returned, "Nope! Its too much like the forlorn hope... Hiei won't believe its magic at all."

"Oh? Is Hiei your boyfriend?"

Sarah shifted awkwardly, "Something like that."

Shadow nodded, "I believe I may have just the thing."

The dark haired shop keeper moved to the back of the store, pulling out a large dusty volume.

"Here we are!"

He handed the book to Sarah, who sneezed as dust flew off the cover.

"This," he told her, " is a book of spells, once owned by a master magician who called himself Mortog."

"Whoa! Really?!"

Shadow chuckled, "Yes."

"How much?"

Shadow smiled, a crooked- too-kind smile that was completely lost of the clueless human girl, "I have an idea, why don't I loan it to you for a few days free of charge, and then you can buy it if you decide you like it."

Sarah's eyes gleamed in awe, "You would do that for me?"

Shadow chuckled, placing a hand on her head, "I'm a man of my word miss Sarah, now, I must request that you avoid reading page 65."

Sarah looked up curiously, from admiring the leather bound cover, "How come?"

"Suffice it to say, no good has ever come from reading that page."

Sarah nodded in agreement, "Thanks Mr. Shadow! I'll be back soon!"

The bell over the door tinkled once more as Sarah raced home.

"Well aren't you a sly dog, do you really think the book will work?"

Shadow smiled at Maria, his Lolita companion, "I suppose that depends on her boyfriend doesn't it?"

* * *

**;) Alright the new story has begun, I will explain in later chapters how this duo escaped from the goblin kingdom, but for now you'll just have to wait...**


	19. Magic Warnings

Sarah walked all the way to Genkai's with her nose in the book.

Kurama, who usually found himself greeted by an excited running glomp from the tiny human girl, was very surprised when she simply walked passed him halfway up the stairs.

"Sarah?" He called, curious as to what was so interesting, "what are you reading?"

He suddenly had a very bad feeling about the answer to that question, the feeling only intensified as she continued walking without so much as a glance in his direction.

He caught up to her, noting that the book was very old and seemed to have an aura all its own.

He reached out to pluck it from her hands, just as she turned the page.

The world tilted violently to the left as Kurama found himself falling forwards.

He landed on something soft, a brief groan of pain told him he'd landed on a person.

"Kura-nii?"

The nickname told him that person was Sarah.

He quickly pulled himself to his feet, offering her a hand up as he surveyed his surroundings.

Sarah took the pro-offered hand and allowed her friend to pull her to her feet.

"What'd you tackle me for?" She asked, a bit peeved as she brushed some lint off her sweater.

"I didn't tackle you. What was that book?"

Sarah brightened, "Oh! That?! It was a spell book! I got it from Mr. Shadow at the antique shop on Main Street!"

Her face fell as she started searching her surroundings for the book, "now where did it go?!"

Kurama took note of the fact that they appeared to have landed in a pile of hay inside of an old barn.

There were no barns near Genkai's.

He peered out the open door to his left.

A large path of cobblestones spiraled out into a vast forest in the distance.

"Sarah?"

The girl had discovered a ladder in the short period of time that he had been studying their surroundings; she was now standing at the edge of a loft, preparing to jump down into the pile of hay.

Kurama sighed, knowing full well that if he didn't allow her this small pleasure then she would refuse to acknowledge him until he did.

Hay flew about the barn as the human girl landed with a soft _thud_ and then started laughing as she pulled herself out of the hay.

"Hey Kurama! You should try this! It's fun!"

"As much as I would love to jump into a pile of hay, I believe we have more important matters to discuss."

Sarah scrunched up her face, tilting her head to the side, "what's more important than landing in the hay?"

Kurama resisted the urge to sigh and instead pinched the bridge of his nose, "Perhaps attempting to discern our location?"

Sarah grinned, "I already know where we are!"

Kurama raised an eyebrow, "go on," he urge when she allowed her attention to be diverted to a fly buzzing around between them.

"We're in a barn!" She answered confidently.


	20. Middle Earth

Kurama sighed, "Yes well, perhaps we should attempt to figure out where this barn is?"

Sarah blinked owlishly, "You mean you don't know where we are?"

"No, Tha-"

"Oh No! If you don't know where we are and I don't know where we are that means we're LOST!"

"Yes well-"

"If we're lost that means we don't know where we are! That means we don't know how to get home!"

"Yes but-"

"That means I'm going to miss the season finale of Mister Fluffykins Magic Managerie of Loony Loca Llamas!"

There was a long moment of silence as Kurama tried to figure out just how he had become friends with the despairing female before him.

After a moment she stalked passed him, "I'm going outside to sulk…"

Kurama stared after his friend for a moment, still not entirely able to picture her watching something with such a feminine and childish title. On second thought it made more sense now that he thought about it…

"KURAMA!"

The red head was rushing outside in an instant, concern for the girl washing over him.

When he found her she was staring out at a vast expanse of plains land, and charging towards them was a massive army of orcs.


	21. Idiototic Campaign Leaders

A more accurate description of the scene before them would be, the army of orcs was charging in their general direction being led by Grandal the lost.

The other orcs weren't quite sure _why_ they were being led by Grandal the lost, considering he had already gotten them lost four times on this mission, but who were they to argue with Azog the great and powerful who had chosen him to lead?

So the orc army charged towards, or in the general direction of, the barn, and the tiny village behind it.

Kurama, who was unaware of the politics of orcs and their plight of being led by someone who was constantly lost, drew a single seed out of his hair to form his rose whip.

However, much to his surprise, his weapon of choice did not make an appearance.

He turned to Sarah, or rather to the place she had been standing mere seconds ago, because now she was gone again.

If the situation were not so dire he might have sighed, or pinched the bridge of his nose to ease the headache he felt coming on.

A loud commotion came from the barn, and Kurama (with a quick glance at the quickly advancing army) went in to see what on earth (or Middle-earth in this case) was going on.

What he saw caused him to sigh, and he barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Sarah beamed up at him from a pile of farming equipment.

Her new attire, which happened to be a flannel shirt and some torn jeans (with a straw hat to match), was obviously from the, now stripped down and embarrassed, scarecrow leaning against the wall.

"Dare I ask what you intend on doing?"

She grinned, "Ima reap some orcs!"

With that the girl began to stomp her way passed him to the door, with a shovel in her hands.

With an inward sigh Kurama caught her by the back of the shirt and hauled her backwards, "Not with that you aren't."

And then, the orcs were upon them.


	22. Living Scarecrows

Grandal the great was very confused, he had thought that he was charging directly towards a defenseless old man, but somehow or other he had ended up in a barn.

The barn seemed rather empty, much to his disappointment. Inside there were only scarecrows, farming tools and a pile of hay.

Grandal set his eyes on the hay, perhaps a human had hidden himself in there? A devilish ( and rather ugly) grin slid across his orc features.

Grandal steered his warg towards the haystack, drawing his battle blade and preparing to plunge it into the defenseless haystack.

It was then that a very curious thing happened to Grandal. In the instant before his blade plunged into the center of the stack a scarecrow in the corner leapt out and whacked him in the face with a shovel.

Grandal had seen many centuries of battle, and he had fought many enemies of many different races, he had never been bested in battle by anyone.

Now this _scarecrow_ had gotten the jump on him! Grandal certainly could not allow his commander to find that he had been bested by a mere scarecrow!

The 'scarecrow', now realizing that its shovel attack had done little more than infuriate the orc, slowly inched backwards.

Grandal turned his snarling warg to the scarecrow, deciding he would kill it before it attacked again.

The scarecrow laughed nervously, "uh, about the shovel thing… you know, I actually hoped it would knock you out, or uh… at least leave you dazed…" it put up its hands in a sheepish surrender, "my bad…"

Grandal let out a roar, raising his sword and spurring on his warg.

The scarecrow let out a yelp of surprise and leapt out of the way, just as a red haired, breastless woman leapt down off the rafters and onto Grandal's back.

Grandal tried to throw 'her' off of him, only to have his head roll off of his shoulders with a flash of rounded steel.

A shovel collided rather suddenly with the warg's face, knocking it unconscious.

Kurama landed lightly on his feet, a rusty sickle in his hand.

Sarah blinked, eying the unconscious warg and wondering if she should whack it again for good measure.

"Well," Kurama said, "I suppose we've answered the question of where we are."

Sarah pumped a fist into the air, "Yeah! Middle-Earth!"

Screams from outside reached their ears, and both of them paused for a moment.

Sarah grinned, "Think we can take on an army of orcs?"

Kurama moved towards the barn door, sickle in hand, "I suppose we will find out."


End file.
